Buenos días :)How is my fabulous family? This is quite a special day... We get to go to the temple! Rather strange feeling coming to the end like this. You know it's coming but you just can't quite put your finger on it til it's there.
This was a great week! We worked our butts off and were blessed with some new people to teach. We've got high hopes for this area. We are also 98% sure Hna Rosario is going to train this next one so we've been prepping a bit for that. She will be just awesome if that is in the Lord's plan.
We had a bit of a tender mercy this Sunday when we found someone named Ana. As background, the church across the street during this entire exchange was SCREAMING their sermon into a microphone... It was worse than a concert! (I'm sure mom could tell us just how much of my hearing I lost from that combined with the subways of Brooklyn haha.) We were on our way to see an old less active member of our branch after some rough finding.
We approached the building where I noticed a woman standing with a baby in the doorway to her own apartment two away from the less active we were to visit. I stopped and talked with her for a moment. The environment was not necessarily conducive to conversation and I almost left three different times. However, the conversation somehow kind of progressed where every time I'd go to leave something pulled me back. Hna Rosario had not even seen the woman but heard me talking to someone and caught back up with me where we then testified a little bit and gave her a card. We were planning to try and knock her house another time when we were back in the area, given the circumstances, but it was then that she began to cry! We waited in "silence" for a moment and just remained with her. I felt to testify about the plan of salvation and our purpose here, the peace Christ gives us, and the confidence we can have that God knows us and has not forsaken us. My goodness, the Spirit was so strong, it blew me away!! We stood there and taught and testified for a few more minutes before I introduced the Book of Mormon in my hand. The Spirit was undeniable, above the noise and distraction. We had our own little piece of heaven for a moment together. After extending her the invitation to read the introduction we asked when we could come back. She said Wednesday! Those who were nearby and witnessed the exchange (which were many) stood puzzled by what they had half-witnessed. As we left and proceeded to the home of the less active, our new friend sat down with some of our onlookers and began to talk with them and show the book we'd given her. It was an amazing experience.
We also met this super cool father-son duo last night! We were looking up a potential after prime time find and they were outside the home. We talked with them about what we do and why we do it. They were not interested in meeting with us as they attend elsewhere, but I felt impressed to share the Book of Mormon de todos modos. (I always share the Book of Mormon! It's my favorite! Seriously the most powerful tool in conversion I have ever seen... That book works miracles. It did so three times yesterday alone for us. I. Love. The. Book. Of. Mormon.) You would not believe how drawn to that book our friends became! They did not cease to flip through the pages nor did they cease to express their gratitude for the gift. We invited them to the branch activities we have this week and they said they'd love to go and meet more people like us. It was a really cool opportunity to plant in them a little seed. I love those moments :)
We had a funny moment when we met a woman Sunday who was outside on the busy street we were walking inviting people to their "outdoor service". She saw us coming up the street, Book of Mormon in hand, and said, "I see that you've got your swords! God bless you!" I like nice people :) we also knocked into two JWs this week, but, to our surprise, they were quite nice! I enjoyed speaking with them actually! It was a nice change from the usual Bible bash. If only we could all love and respect each other like that. One day...
We've learned together that if we put forth our part and truly give every effort we have that the Lord magnifies our efforts and truly qualifies us for His work. We had exchanges this last week and when we did our follow up the sisters asked me to share something I'd learned that helped me the most with whatever we were taking about at the time (to be honest I don't remember what it was haha) and I shared with them that learning "man is nothing" and trusting in the Lord, having confidence He will do His work through our meager efforts, was something I felt shaped my whole mission. Being willing to say, "nevertheless, not my will but Thine be done," just as the Savior did, and truly with our whole souls mean it. That has been what has helped me the most, I feel, to find success in missionary work because when we live that way we know all things are according to His plan and can walk confidently with Him. That has been a blessing for me.
The subject line comes from one of my most earnest searches that I have ever undertaken for peace. The days are flying by and I realized last week I had allowed some fear to creep into my heart. I was lacking faith and needed a boost fast. It is not easy to go from on-call 24/7 disciple of Jesus Christ to returned missionary looking for purpose. I tried to find my purpose this week. Completing the final part of My Plan aided in that, but I could not shake the fear from my soul that the possibility exists of faltering and not remaining true to my testimony. "The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty," says Elder Holland. I believe that. And I could not shake the fear that I could betray my loyalty to the Savior and His gospel after all I have seen and become with Him. This troubled me greatly.
I expressed this fear to President in my interview. I told him I knew I was lacking faith but that I was afraid of failing. I didn't know what to do. I expressed to him ideas similar to that found in President Uchtdorf's talk about Peter given at the new mission presidents seminar (thanks mom!). I expressed how I felt I shared many traits with Peter and that he fell, a lot. And hard. But he was so much greater than I! If he fell, how far am I going to fall?? This was my fear I expressed and I didn't know how to take courage in facing it with faith.
President told me all of those falls were on the way to Peter's conversion, that after his experience with the Savior on the shore he was changed. He didn't fall like that after his conversion, after he truly became a disciple of Jesus Christ. Then he told me my mission has been that time for me. He assured me this has been my time of falling and falling hard at times (boy, have I eaten it more than a few times... sometimes we don't quite hit the ground running, haha) but that I am leaving my mission changed. I am leaving converted. He assured me that I don't need to fall hard again. There will be hard times - of course - but nothing I cannot handle with the Lord on my side. He instructed me to never lose the Book of Mormon and to always stay close to the Savior.
Taking courage from that counsel, I began my search once again. I have found there truly is "safety for the soul" in the Book of Mormon, and that we need not be afraid. This doesn't mean since receiving this counsel I have been tearless, nor do I expect so to be in the future (mission has made me soft, gosh dang it), but it does mean I've been at peace. I don't think I will ever truly be able to grasp it all until the process of transition has already begun, but I know the temple and interviews tonight will aid in that process. I feel the Lord's acceptance and there is nothing greater in life than that.
My invitation for each of us is to come to and then never leave the side of the Lord. That may sound like a big task but maybe this excerpt from a talk I read this week can help in breaking down such a lifelong commitment:
"Shortly before President Heber J. Grant passed away, one of the Brethren visited his home. Before he left, President Grant prayed, 'O God, bless me that I shall not lose my testimony and keep faithful to the end!' After nearly 27 years as President of the Church, this was his fervent prayer. His example is a striking reminder that no one, at any age, is immune from Satan’s influence."
I think this quote exhibits one of the simplest keys to remaining with the Lord: remembering that we are not invincible! Therefore, always having the humility to ask for His help in remaining true, just as this prophet of the church. Personally I have taken this to be my firm mindset. I feel it goes rather well with the commandment to watch and pray often, lest we enter into temptation. And this is what brought me peace. I no longer fear but rather walk with faith and trust in the Lord, ever watchful.
The Savior's peace is real and it is available to all of us. I feel it and know He is with me. I hope this next week is just fabulous for you! I love you and I love my mission.
Muchísimo amor,
Hermana Karra Gourley
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