¡Hola!
What a week this has been... Last Saturday after the sealing for the family we did...... uuuuuh...... missionary work. We did missionary work:) (let's be honest, I don't remember what we did). But Sunday was something else! We had high hopes for this day. It started off great with several of our less actives and investigators attending church with us. We also had a lesson with the twins after church on the plan of salvation. Those little girls...I did not know you could have as many questions as they had! We were able to help them understand their questions and I could feel the Spirit testify of what we taught. They said they understood everything and were very eager to schedule our next lesson. It was also awesome to see the girls debating over whose turn it was to pray (as they both wanted to) because the first time we taught them they didn't even know how to pray. Seeing the growth in them and their desire to learn, that's what it's all about.
After our lesson with the girls, we had six or seven different ladies (referrals and less actives) who we were going to try and look up. We wanted to be able to contact at least three. Well...we got none. Every door remained shut and every phone unanswered. That was a tad discouraging, and as we were in the middle of Jewville, there was not even the option to street contact. The sun was setting and we were far from home, so we headed for the bus stop. The blessing was here as in this nearly entirely Jewish area, there at the bus stop, we found a Hispanic woman with her daughter. We jumped at the opportunity to talk with someone. They had been waiting for the bus for quite some time so we joined in the wait and there had the opportunity to teach the mom a bit of the restoration. She was incredibly interested in what we taught her, and we gave her a pamphlet to study. Just as we closed, there came the bus. That was a good way to end the day.
Monday was deep clean. Oh and did we deep clean. While we were singing and dancing to our blasted EFY music, I noticed something on the ceiling in one of our closets. I told my companion I thought there may be a door up there. She insisted otherwise. I said again I thought there was something else in the black abyss of our closet. Declaring her intent of confirming me wrong, my companion began her ascent up the ladder found also in the closet where she did indeed find a door
on the ceiling. Anticipating a dusty attic or a stuffy storage space, we were, needless to say, surprised when we pushed open the door and rays of light shot down through the cracks. We climbed up and out to find ourselves on the roof of our building! It was awesome. We even had wifi better than we had it in our house hahaha! We took a few pictures and then climbed back down to continue our deep clean.
Following deep clean, we planned on going to a lesson at six after dinner, however she called us up and insisted we get dinner together beforehand. We picked her up and headed off to the diner she had selected. We were able to have a really great lesson with her and we could feel the Spirit guiding the conversation as topics shifted and we were able to talk and testify of the things she needed to hear. I am so thankful for the role the Spirit has in this work.
Unfortunately, this day did not end as I would have liked, but life rarely goes as we would plan. Monday was a trying day for me as I strived to remember that God's ways and thoughts truly are higher than my own. I received a call that night from my mission president. The result of this call was that despite the efforts of my mission president, parents, and stake president on my behalf, missionary
medical had determined an inaccurate diagnosis was to send me home for a time. I have had a lot of time to reflect and think on the fact that I am now home. I was a mess after getting that call and finding there was nothing I could do to stay. After receiving a blessing from the elders, I felt the peace and gentle prompting from the Spirit that all would be well and I needed to go back for one reason or another for some period of time. That was not the answer I wanted at the time haha! However, I had been given the prompting and I couldn't fight the Spirit. Even though I had felt that, it did not make leaving any easier. After face-timing my parents it was determined my mom would come out and meet me so we could fly home together.
Monday night the time was spent more on my knees than in my bed as I petitioned God for another path if possible. When I knew this was not His plan for me, it was time to implement what I had taught a few weeks previously in a workshop: submit to the will of the Father. My prayers changed as I accepted His will for me and I began to seek comfort and peace as I promised I would follow Him down this seemingly dark and lonely road in the exact opposite direction --so I thought-- from where I should be heading.
Tuesday consisted of packing and my final lesson with the girls. We ate dinner with them and then taught the gospel of Christ. This was an amazing lesson. As they asked questions and answered ours I could feel the sweet spirits of these girls developing testimonies. Seeing the Spirit work in them and how their desire to learn grows is amazing. Concluding our lesson I told them I would not be able to be at their baptism but that I would need lots of pictures. They were sad I couldn't be there but understood me needing to go.
After lots of tears, I finally found some peace. The Staten zone leaders were kind enough to drive us to the mission office in Rego so that we wouldn't have to take the luggage through the subways. We
arrived a tad after twelve Wednesday morning and the first person I saw was my mom. She gave me a big hug and said "I don't think you're done yet". I felt like I was in a bad dream... I was called into
President's office for my final departing interview. I was asked to say the opening prayer, which I did as I struggled through keeping back the tears. I have never had something so good, so precious to me,
and something I thought was so in line with God's will and then have Him ask me to give it to Him for a time. I couldn't understand why He would want me doing anything else, but I chose to make the decision to submit and follow even thought I couldn't see how this could possibly be His will. Leaving the mission was the biggest leap of faith I have ever taken with my trust in God alone but my mission president also gave me some comfort in the counsel he gave me. He too said he didn't feel I wasn't finished and that they'd be anticipating my return.
After the goodbyes were through, we headed out with Sister Reynolds who drove us to JFK. Her note to me also said they would keep me in their prayers until I returned to the mission. This was all very
confusing for me as I had previously thought I was not to return and had tried to accept moving on as a way to cope with the fact that I was going home. Now, with my leaders having received the revelation I was to return, I began to think on it. On the plane home I looked into D&C 124 trying to find a scripture my mission president had shared with me. Instead I found verses 16-18. I knew I was to go back.
After talking with the stake president that night I was released for the time being. I continued to battle the thoughts that I would not be able to go back or that it wasn't supposed to happen. I received a blessing from my dad and was able to find some peace again. Thursday was not free of discouraging thoughts and feelings, but by the afternoon I finally felt peace again. Friday was the day of anticipation as I would meet with the first therapist who we could schedule with. This was a miracle meeting... The therapist told me at the beginning that he was not there to get me back into the field but to help me adjust to being home and to make sure I was in a good place mentally. However, after the hour and a half meeting we concluded with him saying that when I come back Friday to see him again that he will be preparing me for when I go back and that he will help me prepare for what it'll be like going back into the field (VICTORY!). He also gave me a few professionals to call and set up with. After a bit of frustration as we could not get a hold of any of them, one lady called us back. I will be seeing her this Thursday. This lady is the one who actually will have to say that with her profession in eating disorders that I do not have one. Once she knows and believes that, her witness,
along with that of the first guy I saw, will be used by my stake president as he petitions the missionary department for me to go back out.
Thus, así es, y estamos aquí. Entonces, things are looking very bright and I have learned a lot of lessons from this journey. It has been exactly a week from when I received the call I was being sent home but it feels like so long ago because of the growth that has taken place so rapidly since then.
I know that this is God's plan for me. It is certainly not what I expected of my missionary call but it is most definitely what is best. I will be returning to New York a new missionary and the better for this trial. Just goin through a bit of the refiners fire is all :) I love this time I've been blessed with to see my family and reflect on the last four months, to see from the experiences I had how I will be different because of them. I have learned so much about myself and God, His plan for each of us individually... I have never felt so close to my Savior. I know that this is the work of God and that I am only going to be better because of this trial He has placed in my path. I know that God does not give us any trial we cannot bear with His help. It is only through His grace that I have borne this one. I love this gospel. I know with all my soul it is true. I am honored to be able to serve and represent my Savior in New York, I can't wait to put my tag back on and get to work! But for now, we will be patient and trust in the Lords timing.
I hope everyone has a fabulous week, I love you all and I'm so thankful for your support of my decision to serve. We will keep y'all updated :)
Tanto amor,
Hermana Karra Gourley
(Yes, I'm technically released....no, I'm not removing the "Hermana" haha)
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